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คɭɭ gѻɗร คɼﻉ ɦપ๓คก

Mai Tsuba simply lost her shit. With a wave of her hand, a galaxy ended. 500 Billion lives erased in an instant.

"What the actual fuck Mai? He's going to flip his shit when you try to defend fucking up this Universe. You know that right?"

"I just don't fucking care anymore Ken."

(this one I wrote recently. I'm not going to be content just giving you the old shit. Why when I'm constantly making new shit? Like, most of my writing, this has a defined inspiration. In this case, the ending song for Concrete Revolutio

That simply wandered too close to me after I had a Jazz thing going on thanks to Baccano!

Which, is becoming one of my top ten shows of all time. The song is just a strong power anthem. With great guitars. Because they get that guitars matter. People that don't understand the value and power of the guitar don't matter to me at all)

Jasher had implemented the buddy system after he sent his first 10 solo "Universe Defenders" out on their own, and 1 came back. The other 9 destroyed themselves and their Universe so bad, he didn't even have a temporal recovery option. 

Currently with the Multiverse only operating with literally 0.5 percent of the total processing power possible, it was still cranking out 1.5 trillion new Universe during the obnoxiously hipster "Earth Day" measurement of time beings like Jasher, that couldn't get over Earth, used for time. Thankfully, 99 percent of them were total trash like 90's Anime. They self destructed on their own. The problem was that half a percent of the new Universe that were viable (imagine that) could potentially produce the Seeker that Jasher needed. In the continual search for one. And he was close. Very close. He knew, because the potential Seeker candidates had developed amazing tangental abilities as they got closer to being "the one". And Jasher simply could not be wasteful. If he could repurpose these enhanced beings to take care of shit he didn't like doing, great. But... I mean, they fucked up sometimes...

Mai Tsuba wasn't just royalty. She was the perfect example of an amazing human being. She was so amazing, Jasher, 17 Billion year old Jasher, was smitten. And Kay got angry and jealous. Mai was the entire reason Jasher thought:

"Yanno, it's such a waste divesting these amazing people with great judgement of this power if they don't pass the Searcher test. Maybe we could put them to use instead of taking away a destiny."

As Mai watched, The Universe simply opened up. Jasher, in a spell of lazy, just split a big-ass temporal hole since he wasn't using Boaz to travel, and knew Mai had utterly fucked 393230300123335893563562348004AX. It just didn't matter anymore. He did the math, and reviving or resurrecting any of the nearly half trillion lives she destroyed, was just pointless. There were already 10 completed examples in record of this Universe where plant life accidentally created the finest packaging material in history, ever made by any race or any Universe ever. That was the endgame for this one. Very easy. Crazy easy. That's why he was assigning it to Mai, since she had become erratic. He'd rather have her fuck up a pointless existence than something new-giving.

And Jasher simply stepped out of the hole, and into the Universe Mai had utterly fucked like he was hailing a cab or had done this exact same thing more times than someone could measure.

"We need a floor"

Exquisite parquetry magically appeared in fractal patterns as Jasher stepped. And things like this worried Jasher because he wasn't doing it. It was like some over-arching algorithm made sure he was the King of entrances. And he couldn't be sure if it was something "he" wrote for himself, or if he was now a tool. Probably for himself. Or some version of Him. The true fun of being a dead-live being like Jasher, being managed by a Universe AI is Jasher could never be sure he was even real anymore. And the fact that he was constantly bombarded with Purpose! (capital P) meant he was probably just another process now.

Dead. But he could could still make decisions. And one of those was not giving a fuck anymore if a great person fucked up for their first time. It was like watching a child finally grow.


Jasher locked eyes with Mai and instantly saw the world.

Mai, just, so frustrated and hateful at this point, barely raised her eyes to meet Jasher's.... and stopped worrying immediately.

"I get it now." said Mai and looked back down.

"What you don't get is you matter more than a billion of these. Mai. Look at me."

Feeling her first failure shame, the prior perfect human being named Mai Tsuba, wouldbe inheritor of the largest and most advanced weapons manufacturing concern in Human history, simply stopped fighting reality. Mai Tsuba gave up.

"I put you here to get yourself straight. You have a lot of feelings you won't make real. You fucking this up was the best way to make you realize you don't have to be perfect. You can just love what should get loved, and do your best. Did killing 628.332 billion souls help you figure out you need to slow down, and make decisions more carefully?"

"Fuck YOU"

Jasher being a dick: "Hey now... Ryan Reynolds never acted like this. He easily runs 50 prominent Universe now."

"Fuck YOU!"

"Then how about this. You did your bid for God and country. You were awesome. I'll do this for you. I think you'll like this. And honestly, you don't really have a say. I know what you want. You want one Universe you can make exactly how you want, and you want left alone."

"Yes. If I could have that, and maybe some help, I swear I could get the hang of this. I want to be good at this."

"What you want" said Jasher "Is a Universe where Magical Girls are viable, and little girls keep destroying your Universe."

"I know." said Mai. "You said we could have ONE THING be ours. I want that."

"I love the idea. You just picked something hard as fuck. I'll give you a dedicated Jasher shard and a pocket Universe with a higher degree of success. I have a feeling we'd do better with one of the steampunkier worldlines. Once we have a working model, you can focus purely on versions of it. Magic girls + dragons + pokemon for all I care. But get used to me hanging out because that sounds fun as fuck."

At this point, Ken Hagan was pissy. "So, I just don't matter then I guess."

"Ken, the entire reason you aren't getting a vote here is a full 81 percent of all Universe end up being just as Gay as you are."

"what?" asked Ken

"Gay is literally the majority of Universe, Ken. You'll have a much harder time finding a Universe with great BBQ". Said Jasher.

"I'll pair you with Ryan next."

Ken clapped excitedly.



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